Every Movie In The Entire World, Ranked (Part One)

I’m kidding, of course.

Here’s an anecdote to start us off. I listen to a weekly music stream. Think of it like a radio show, I guess would be the best way to describe it, where the host spends the first half of the show playing what she found interesting out of the week’s new releases, and the second half taking requests from the audience. Occasionally, something rather well-known will come through the filter of suggestions (I remember Yes’ Roundabout coming on the first time I tuned in), and she’ll always say the same thing whenever it comes up:

“Just think of all the songs that have ever been written, ever, and now remember that there is so much more music coming out every single day,” she says. “Nobody can listen to all that music. There are probably a bunch of songs someone thinks are must-listens that you’ve never heard of.”

I think the same can be said for every artistic medium, from food to theatre to paintings to, yes, films as well. Movies have a much larger buy-in, too, especially for the more niche or independent ones. You have to sit in a dark room for two hours, more or less, and just take in what’s being presented to you. A song is what, three or four minutes?

And yet, I’ve also noticed people get a lot more vocal about “the classic” movies. “You haven’t seen X? And you call yourself a cinema snob?” And my general response has been, well, first of all, a label like “cinema snob” comes with a lot of baggage that I’m not particularly interested in being associated with (nor is it something I’m willing to go over here), nor have I ever called myself that (I fashioned myself a critic once -- that didn’t go over well), and second, I guess see the above quote?

I just figure I’ll pick up the older movies by osmosis, really. The worst someone can really do in this situation would be to march me to a TV, sit me down and put the movie on, right? Done, watched the movie, you never have to bother me about it again. And hey, I’ll probably like it, too.

In the meantime, there are so many movies I’ll never get to see coming out every day. I can try and stem the flow somewhat, but it’s an impossible task. I just have to hope I catch some good ones along the way.

-F