An Open Letter

In the parlance of our times, this is a “callout post”, and while I know people spend a lot of time trying to avoid that particular label, but it’s probably best if I just say what it is at the start and let the rest of the world think about its contents.

To whom it may concern:

You know that screen right before the movie starts that’s all like, “Hey, silence your cell phone and don’t use it during the movie, it’s super annoying”? Did you think that it was just talking about everybody else? I’m trying to not start out super mad here. I mean, there are stricter theaters than the ones we’ve been in, where you can get escorted out for the sort of stunts you’ve all pulled. But seriously, I like to think of myself as a pretty tolerant theatre-movie-watcher and I’ve never been as close to kicking someone’s seat as I have after you decided that the middle of the movie was the best time to check your emails.

You know what I’m more forgiving of, actually? A cell phone ringing, or vibrating, or otherwise making noise. Maybe that’s because I’m self-conscious of my own watch beeping in the middle of intimate scenes or I’ve been to movies with people on-call with a hospital and so, of course, have to have their phone on vibrate. And even without those caveats, I can forgive that sort of thing as an honest mistake. Those people didn’t mean to break my immersion, they just did accidentally. To err is human, and all that.

But pulling out your phone, that’s a deliberate action. And seriously, just leave the movie, eh? If you don’t like it, that’s also fine. I’ve not liked movies too. I haven’t walked out of movies before, but that’s certainly an option. Like, if you don’t like a movie, I won’t think less of you if you stop putting yourself through it. Leave! Just leave. Your phone will be right there in your bag or purse or pocket. So don’t! Just don’t. You’re older than me, generally. You should know better.

I hope the next movie you see is as enjoyable as you hoped it would be, and I hope your phone stays perfectly in your pocket.

All the best,
-F